I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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