My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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