I'd wear matching sweaters with you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
