I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
