i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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