hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
