I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
