I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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