No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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