apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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