You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
