Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
