tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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