in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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