I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
