He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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