We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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