My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
