So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
