dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
