If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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