I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
