Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
