he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
