I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
