Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
