Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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