And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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