it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
