Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
