$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
