I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
