And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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