with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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