I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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