Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
