We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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