My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We have so much sex to catch up on
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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