I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
