i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
