The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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