so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
