my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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