Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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