yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
