Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
