Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
