Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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