mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
honey bunches of taint.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
