i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
